absolutaez.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

1. I love being tan. I hate how pale I am during the winter, and I don’t think pale is attractive at all.
2. I’m terrified of being alone, but I love having my alone time. 
3. I’m short. I wish I were at least an inch or two taller.
4. Because of 3 (above), I looove heals. This is how my shoe collection started. I love how they look, but fuck they hurt so bad.
5. When I was younger, I hated being Asian. But the older I get, the happier I am that I am Asian. Weird things I’ve thought about…
6. I love wearing black. If I could, I would wear black everyday.
7. I loooove dogs. I can’t wait until I can afford to have my own dog.
8. The way to my heart is through my stomach.
9. I love to cook and bake. But no one to eat all my experiments so I don’t get to too often :(
10. I hate the rain. Bad weather = bad mood. I try not to let weather dictate my mood cause it’s so stupid, but I can’t help it.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

CS: I know we didn’t start off on the right foot, but I’m so happy that you gave me a chance and look at where we are now :) honestly one of the few people around who I really trust and can talk to for just about anything. Next year is about to be fun!

SR: You were such a breath of fresh air and you were so different. Despite the many things that have forced me realize that… you are actually just like the rest of them, I really needed to have someone like you around during that time. But something about you just pushes me towards being more out of control and reckless than I really should be. But I love that feeling, you make me feel so free.

PN: I miss you! I wish I got to see you more and be a lot closer than we are right now. But I’m so happy that I made the right decision and that it was mutual :) I can’t wait for next year when I’ll get to see you all the fucking time! 

CH: I wish I could be there for everything you are going through. I wish there was more I could do for you and I wish so badly that you could be happy with who you are and what you have accomplished. Everyone is so fucking proud of you but you just can’t seem to truly truly believe that for yourself. There is no one in this world who deserves good thing to happen to them, and I really hope it happens soon for you.

DA: There’s something I love and something that I absolutely hate about you. I love that you made me realize how much I could love a person and how much I’m willing to do for people I love, but at the same time, I hate that you had me wrapped around your finger, and took advantage of that fact. You used me, plain and simple, and you let me lose myself in something that wasn’t real. And I really could never forgive you for that.

VD: College is just not the same without you. And it’s so much better with you around. You kept me sane with all the other ridiculousness around us that only we saw clearly. You’re brutally honest but its that bluntness that makes you such a good friend. I always still wish you were around.

CT: It’s weird that we are actually so different yet we get along so well. I miss you so much! And it’s been so long since we last talked :( but I know that the next time we do, we can just pick up right where we left off. There’s a reason why we joke we’re sisters, cause it really feels like it.

NA: I’m so envious of you. You are so independent and so together. You go for what you want and you fuckin get it. You are surrounded by wonderful people because you are such an amazing person yourself. I really look up to you and would be more than thrilled to be where you are in life right now. And to think you’re only a year or two older…

CV: I’m so lucky to have met you guys. You’ve seen me through every single one of those break ups and listened to me bitch and whine and be pathetic for the past four years, and you’re still here for me when I let everything happen to me again and again. You’re a pretty fucking great friend, and as mean as I am to you, it’s only because I’m that comfortable with you and know that you know me better than to take it the wrong way :)

MA: Who knew we would end up so close? Who knew, who kneww. When I find myself needing to call someone up when something comes up, you’re one of the first people who come to mind. And you’ve always been there in your own odd way to cheer me up. You are one of the few people who stop me from regretting my choice to commit to all of this.

Damn. That took awhile. 

What if

I told you I miss you, what would you say?

I fucking miss my best friend.

In a daze.

Everyone keeps telling me, “time heals all”, I have no choice but to believe that. Seriously, lols to thinking that I could ever be good enough for you. But the one thing I now know is that, I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to keep changing who I am for you. What kind of fucked up shit is that? In the end, all I took out of what everyone said to me was, “about time you realized that too.”

Was it a waste of my time? I’d like to believe that it wasn’t. It was fun despite all the other shit between us, but I think that maybe the good doesn’t really make up for all the bad. I just have a very high tolerance of your bullshit, that’s all.

I know that this is good for me, but the decisions I’ve made since that day have been all bad. I’ve thrown myself in this whirlwind of reckless and disastrous fun. I haven’t drank or smoked this much ever in my life. It keeps me occupied and distracted. It’s nice. 

I’ve also lost some of my morals and dignity in all this mess. I cared enough to put all that to an end, but not enough to stay away. I have a feeling I’m about to cause a whole lot more trouble. And I almost don’t give a fuck.

Time, could you pass by a little fucking faster?

(Source: jerhovlive, via happythings)

Two kinds of men..

There’s the kind that are so cheesy and sensitive that you wonder if they even have any balls. Then there’s the other kind that just simply don’t give a fuck about your feelings and do as their dumb mind wishes.

The perfect kind is the kind in the middle.

Now… where is he?